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The Road Is Making Me Paranoid.

January 12, 2009

Last night was probably the worst night sleep I have gotten in a while. Why you ask? Because of that book: The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Even though I am only 150 pages into it, the book has sent me into some super odd paranoia. Basically, from what I can tell, the book is about a post-apocalyptic/post-global-nuclear war society all told from the vantage point of a Dad caring for his 5 year old son. The son was born after the massive destruction, but shortly after his birth,  the Mom committed suicide – so, clearly the Dad had to step up and protect his son. Well, everything they have gone through: foraging for food, keeping warm, dealing with psycho paths, making sure they have enough of everything to get through the night, yadda, yadda, yadda, has sent me into a weird paranoia and panic.

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I could feel the boyfriend tossing and turning, then going though his night stand, then getting up to get water, then turning on the computer, and all of a sudden I got the hugest panic attack. What if something was going to happen as big as the apocalypse? If we survived, would we have enough of everything to last a few weeks here, then move on after the dust settles? No.

Then, of course, I started panicking – planning for some unknown, cataclysmic event: we need more water, canteens, my asthma inhalers, better backpacks, canned goods, dry goods, maybe a cart or a wagon (that is what they use to get their stuff around), a tent or tarp, sturdy shoes, a gun with more than 3 bullets (that is all the Dad has in the book), flint, coats, blankets, knives. My list went on and on and on and on while I was trying to sleep. It was freaking annoying and irritating and stupid.

Then, I dreamt how everything would play out. After a week or so, Peter and I (because in my dream, we survived the unknown), would set out on foot to his mom’s and then to my parents to see if they survived. In the book, the prime location is the Southern coast, where I just so happen to live. So, we would find a good hiding place, near the beach, where we stay for a while or go back to the apartment and barricade ourselves in and wait for other refuges to find us. Clearly, I was going nuts last night.

So ya, I need to finish this book because it is obvious that until I do, I am going to be freaking out about something I don’t even know about – or that might not even happen in my life time.

It is ridiculous that books to this to me. Ugh.

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